First installment we talked about sitting with the space we are creating, Second we accepted the invitation to slowly sift through the "what was that" and the "why am I still feeling..." with compassion and patience. How did that work out for you? I ask with no hint of sarcasm and the loving presence of a comrade who has also been going through the purge in solidarity.
This Eclipsing and Retrograding cycle among many things so far, has gifted me with the unlovable, vulnerable, scared parts of me to come to the surface. (FYI: Astrological portals opening don't give an eff that you aren't ready or thought you worked that issue out in 2012) but I have also found treasures. I have experienced reminders that this path I am on was written in the stars. I accessed reminders of my strength, humanity, and capacity to love.
It has made me think about what loving me as I descended into the underworld has been like? My usual super chill about life demeanor was accompanied by an unrecognizable creature: cranky, emotionally raw, and a little reactive. She was a stranger to myself and others (not that this is a "bad" part of me, but clearly a part that needs more attention). Those folks close to me who rely on me to anchor them when they are experiencing turbulence freaked out a little. Those who I wanted to love and comfort me were out of communication range because they are on their own soul pilgrimage and it broke my heart.
What has liberated me and brought me back to myself was love. In reality, no one had done anything to hurt me. Did I want to be seen, understood, held, and loved better? Emphatically yes and am not giving up on that need. However, loving and tending my tenderness because I had no other choice, helped me have a breakthrough in transforming a story that needed to be released. This experience brought me back home to me where I can, with clear eyes and loving heart, not take things personally and see the lesson and the gift. Well for now, because let's keep it real and in the moment.
Love has also allowed me to see what suffering looks like in my family and their own personal journeys of grief, transitions, and uncertainty...with more compassion. Love reminded me that healing requires time, space, radical trust, and not getting attached to an outcome. It showed me that spirit will align things in divine order as long as we keep doing our inner work. When we are exhausted and lose our way and are all set with the inner work, love will love us anyway.
May we recognize Love and allow it in, may we share it abundantly in the places that need it, may we embody it in all that we do. May Love set us free.
Check yourself before you wreck yourself cuz (insert your truth)
~writing that email and sending it while I'm crying...
~shopping while I'm lonely
~social media trolling and not doing my work
~smiling and pretending I'm not grieving
~saying yes to things I don't want to do
~eating out of boredom
~beating myself up (still) for a decision/conversation/relationship from 5 years ago
~blaming my ex/parents/children/job/errbody for all of your suffering
~contorting yourself to the point of not recognizing yourself
~lying through your teeth in order to be "nice" or keep the "peace"
....is bad for my health.
Thank you Ice Cube for that wisdom and inspiration today.
Yesterday we talked about sitting with the empty space that is created and what is revealed when we shift things around. To observe inside of yourself what it feels like when you are letting go of something...or even what it feels like in your body the moment you decide to make that change. Sometimes it is the big things like a move, a relationship entering or leaving your life, a job change, a healing, parenthood, or a death. Sometimes it's having the courage to say I have a dream I want to work on it and say it out loud and be witnessed.
Other times it happens moving the furniture in your room and finding a corner full of dust, that missing shoe, a picture strip of you and your ex that ripped your heart out, and a favorite book you thought you lost. Sifting through the dust that accumulated because of that deep sadness that sucked out all of your energy and motivation to do more than the minimum, that shoe that was flung off after an incredible night of dancing with all of your soul, that ex who was such a wonderful teacher and reminded you that Only You can set your value and worth...so your fly self could no longer tolerate the whackness and you moved on, and that book that always shows up right on time to give you the perfect word swaddle your heart needs because books do that.
Beloveds, don't rush it. Let the Retrograde slow you enough to notice the details and learn the lessons before moving forth...so you can move forth lighter, brighter, clearer, and stronger. You got this!
As you are in reflection and assessment during this period of eclipsing and retrograding, you are invited to purge and eliminate things that aren't in alignment with what you want. To slow down and notice the details. You are making space in your life for the shower of blessings after sometimes showers of tears, and it can feel lonely. Sometimes the cleanse in your space, be it your physical space or change in relationships, leaves a void. A ginormous, cavernous void that echoes and feels cold. This is normal. It can also make you feel light and have beams of sunlight blasting out of your heart chakra and flying on moonbeams of possibilities. This is normal. Sometimes both in the same day...normal too. Don't be in a hurry to fill it. If you move to fill those spaces in your life too quickly we might accidentally fill it with a thing that fits that spot/role/relationship, when if fact we need time to explore, to be with our tenderness, grief, ambivalence, freedom, and get clarity before making moves. Give yourself that gift, every inch of your life is sacred.